you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
