you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
