return my video game
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
