the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I want her autograph on my taint
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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