Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
