Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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