Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
