i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
