I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize