Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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