Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
