I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
