Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I came so hard my ears popped.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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