Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
