If that was your dad, he is hot
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
