hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I need water and some morals
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
