I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
