no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
