tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Randomize
