I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
worst night to have a conscience
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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