OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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