Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
