2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
