Only a mothe r could love this liver
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
