she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
