Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Life without a bra equals bliss.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
