mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
