I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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