when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
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