dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
