You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
