my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
