If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
