The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
