I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
My nipple is on Facebook.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
