nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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