2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
