ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
