My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
