his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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