one two three fourrrrnication!
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
should my penis look like a turkey
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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