Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
