In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
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