I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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