they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
