Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
