I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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