his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
