guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
