Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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