i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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