The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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