Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
