is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
