I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
