Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Randomize
