Screwed.edu
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
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