What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
