WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
