We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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