The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
