I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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