I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
