Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
