apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
