I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
My cat gives me a boner
it was like eating out sand paper
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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