I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
