No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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