The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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