If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize